Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . Did it work? Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: They know how to take up space. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. Speed is life. What does ARMY mean to you? On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. Of course, he responded. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. 35. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Thats Daddy. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. And )second A military private saying I learned this in boot camp A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience Return to Humor Index. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. What would As A.J. Thanks. 4. Rodrigues there? Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. It was sheer brilliance. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Eat up! I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. 3. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. 3. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. St. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Why Do We Celebrate It? So I quit ordering it.. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Rodrigues? It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, You might be in the Coast Guard if you claim to have every woman in the port, yet youre at an ashore unit. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. [Answered]. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. Theyre U.S. AF! Large mahogany desk.. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. This is really good, he said. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! But I am public affairs, I said. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? The c.i.a. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Attention! Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. Caller: Sgt. MARCH! Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Caller: Is Sgt. Bad altitude. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. What do hungry Marines eat? Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Military 3. Chicago. How old are you? a tenant asked. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. But my fears were put Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. A military captain saying I was just thinking S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. I was the tallest guy in line. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. Unless you can be Batman. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. 38. USMC: OHH! While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Read more. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. He thought he would be home about 13:30. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. 45. Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. You had tents?" Baltimore, said Dad. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Airmens mess, sir.. Learn from the mistakes of others. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? I'm impressed! Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. She told me she warships them. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? you cant do both. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. In-dough-structible (Hang up. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. They all originally set out to become Marines. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? 10. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. Fish Food. Why Do We Celebrate It? What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? An airplane! The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Do not attempt to shave with fire. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at.

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