I miss him so much and still feel so lost without him. I hope you are living well in the world of the creator. My family is great but they are grieving also. When Keanu died, I disintegrated physically and mentally. Sometimes I think Im to young to be dealing with all this pain but the love I had for him only means my pain is real. We bought this old farm house many years ago and we worked hard to make it the home we wanted. Dating isnt an option because in my heart I am still married. creating an adult coloring book with his images that I will share with the world soon. Like trying to collect hundreds of acorns in your arms and they keep falling while you desperately try to hang on to each and every one. I would add that while I have totally accepted the finality of my husbands death I have yet to decide or define my own life now. He took his own life. It was an honor to be there for her and care for her, but those memories of the last six months are so strong. Im coming up on 2 years in April. I have found that others are more concerned about the death anniversary and the month surrounding it than I am. Such strength. We got so close over the years, I cant bear being without him. I lost both my boys 2 years ago mike 38 april 20,2016 and chris 39 september 20, 2016, I cant get over the pain my heart is hurting so much.I just want tobe with them I am having flashbacks like it happened yesterday..shock and reality has set in. But now 18 mths on its too much to bear, I wake up crying from such real dreams. I thought getting through the first year would be the hardest but as it turns out year two is just as bad. I was told by a nurse in hospice to sit with him and let him know Id be alright if he left. I know that I will remain his widow, no other man will ever be considered. A week later I told them to let her go, and they removed life support. Time helps but its not a healer it helps you learn how to deal with your loss and acceptance helps a lot. Its not in my character, its not who I am. Honest quotes about grief: Tonight. If you can please,get out there a start to live..it a different life but it needs living. I find myself not wanting to be around them because they get frustrated that I can not move forward. But for now, that seems unlikely because when I dare to look out, all I see is the hazy, drab-blue sameness an endless ocean. My husband of 29 years died 21 months ago after a three year illness he was only 55. Im sure that I am ready to date and I am grateful my friend is so patient. When the ship is first wrecked, youre drowning, with wreckage all around you. We all know that with life there is death. I was so grief stricken as we had done everything possible to make a good life for him, he was our SON SUN. Ive been struggling but its been manageable. He was sick for 6 months and then passed. Peace be with you! Its been nine months and not getting easier, why I was trying to see whats coming, when this pain will stop, its so exhausting. though I am on a constant roller coaster ride. The lord said it was not my time. Death is such a natural part of life but its so cruel what iteaves behind. Im so sorry for your lossyour grief appears to be a response to a great connection and therefore a great loss of companionship and love. I too have to act for my 2 remaining children because they were so worried about me. After all, without hope and faith, what do we have? I thought that by this time (14 months) it would hurt less. He was the best husband and father! There is such sadness and emptiness. I long everyday for my husband. I miss him so much. I have less friends here now because my husband is no longer here. Although we got to say our good byes. i want them to be living their lives- its how it should be. Only once in a while I say anything about it anymore. Pamela. Thats for sure. I used to be the life of the party but that person is gone. Desperately, that it sometimes hurt to breathe. I dont want it and I envy those who die soon after their loved spouse passes. He was in and out of the hospital for months and then a small mass was found on his lung. I suppose I will keep going on but no one will ever have my heart ever again like my wife did. Now, I dont cry as often. But I meet someone in March 2017 three months after my husband passed away. Twenty people. Just last night I was in the grocery store and they had a Buy one/get one sale on an item that we both loved. I have been dating someone for six months now. I cry everyday. For everyone concerned. According to Google that's 9490.01 hours, but to me it feels like an eternity. They absolutely do not like him Ive just heard rumors about him and they give me total hard ache all the time. Someone once said you never get over it Now Im in second year and miss him more n more. just realized recently that this will not get any better at all. I know Im late to this post but I lost my husband six months ago. We had 3 lovely children together. Were in the club that no one wants to join. This has to get better and I know in Anyway, I had strep throat one winter. Its been a terrific read! Hi Heather Time so far has not lessened the loss even though I am involved in many activities outside the home, he is always there. Stay strong, watch the sunrise and the rainbows after the rain. Some not so bad. We all will walk this path our own way, its the most difficult challenge of ones life. It was most recently raised . Use the DATEDIF function when you want to calculate the difference between two dates. Everything seems pointless now after being married for 44 years and now sitting alone. I was never like this. Children are grown doing well, there are 12 grandchildren, 4 great grand children, and me . Even in the final week she thought of the future. Some days are better than others. Im now looking forward to my next few months. Most importantly church, Its been 2and a half months since my fiance died suddenly day after Xmas 2020. His death has opened wounds of the loss of my parents. YouTube A body from the Dyatlov Pass incident. Barbara- I hear and feel you loud and clear. 26 Likes, TikTok video from Chantra Keobunta (@chantrakkeobunta): "It's been a little over 2 months since my Mom passed away. you are so right. The few times I try to talk to friends they are uncomfortable and I can tell they want me to move on. I dont want to move on away from him. Like everyone else who has had a loss the pain seems to go on and on. Everyone feels like Im negative, and depressing, and really I just want to see my mum. Result: 660,116 days. Now, though, it is hitting me that he is never coming back. I now regret it because little did I know he was grieving also, but I never knew because he was being strong for me. I lost my wife a year ago. This friend just had to rub salt in the wounds when she observed you worked so hard to lose all that weight, and now its all come back. Of course, other times the pain is raw and I can not imagine going forward without her. I have family near and it helps. Then dealing with all the aftermath of it all its like i went into a different mental mode. I go through the motions and let family & friends believe Im coping ok. We followed every possible treatment available, but to no availhis caner won out and I was left alone to face the future, to pick up the pieces and to move on with my new life. Yes, the lack of interest in things, the TV watching, but you do say you have faith it will get easier. I think the only thing worse would be the lose of a child that is the club I never want to be a part of. Obviously the first year is hard everyday life is like a punch in the stomach and the air is sucked so ferociously out of your lungs by the thieving grief, you almost pass out, but because I was used to not seeing him for a couple of months I kept thinking Ill see him soon. Health officials have previously recommended that most people receive a booster shot of COVID-19 vaccine more than eight months after completing their original vaccine regimen. I was numb. I thought or believed that the following year it would have been easier, but I was wrong. Some days I just find it impossible to even tackle housework having that cant be bothered feeling and only going out to do the weekly shop. I finally was able to pick myself up off the floor one day not ong after that and I decided to take my life back. I remember the meltdown in my life, Christmas day.realizing that I would never have another Christmas life my previous 20 years, I cried so hard, I didnt think I could have any tears leftbut they just kept coming. She was trying she (rehabs counseling etc.) Passed from pancreatic cancer. It's been two years since you're . Thank you for your message. I was her care taker 24/7, she was also my best friend and constant companion. English (US) It left me very melancholy. I am glad I found this site Than you for reading this and I do understand your pain. I lost my mum 13 months ago. Everyone learns to readjust to it just being us that arrives for get together Some relationships didnt make it. tool to check the status of your refund within 24 hours of e-filing. We had no idea-didnt see the signs and Drs did not find things or look in right places. He never wanted to have extended drawn sickness. I try to stay busy but most of the time its just around our house. She has seen so much suffering. One year I cried n cried. I appreciate being able to write my feelings down and my heart goes out to you all. I hope you learn to cope with this terrible grief, I hope you have people who are kind and stay around you. but it ends in a big cry fest. I am still suffering terribly, but I find moments, sometimes hours and days where I am at peace. Its horrific. My dad also died suddenly Oct 21 2019 He was in good health and cancer free . Ive had only two positive dreams about him since my passing and each were overwhelming in the realization that the weight of the grief had been temporarily lifted. I am so overcome with sadness. Is it because the 1 year anniversary brings back intense pain & memories? it never brings back what we had or how do we retrieve. Its becoming real and it sucks. So I know that feeling. For example, the function returns "4 months" between the dates 9/30/15 and 2/28/16 (even though the 28th is the last day of the month). I sit here now 23 months later with tears flowing endlessly. I dont have a single friend in the same boat so it can get lonely even in a crowd. What does life look like know for me is always on my mind. Its been 2 years 4 months and 18 days since I lost my husband unexpectedly He was only 59 and super fit. The first year was missing my wife and being sad for my daughters. My Father refused to talk about my Mum, I got out at age 17 & came to live in the UK. Blurry. When we are adjusting to oneness each day is a learning experience. tells you to contact the IRS ; Calling outside of these conditions isn't recommended because the IRS representatives won't be able to provide additional information on your tax return status. Yes we exist- I endlessly question why? And I took him of life support. I have been tearing up all day but not in a sad way. I never got a chance to grieve for my dog and now I was faced to grieve the both of them alone. I did not dwell on these thoughts the first year but now my mind wont stop wondering! I am beyond guilty because I was the one to ask him to get the shot and it was because of me that he had been so weakened by that rare disease. We were married for 55 years and planned on living to the age of 90 and then we would be ready for God to call us home when he wanted to. WE PROVIDE HIGH-QUALITY VISITORS WITH: I have just been reading through this site and found your response to minelike you..I dont want to socialise..I go to work..come home to the whirlpool of love from my two puppies..you and I are so blessed to have our furriesI know I will never have another soul mate and am so thankful to have been so loved and accepted for who I am ..may our boys rest in peace until we are together again..hope you have settled into your job.work will help keep us both going..hugs..ann. She said if Im going to die. Thanks for your wirds, Ann Emma, nobody can know what it feels like until they go through it themselves. Thanks to all that spoke about their feelings of a great loss. It is not till something happens in your life that you realise your not alone. Everyone tells me I should be better but I am not. Its bittersweet reading all the comments thinking Im only on my 2nd month and some took forever to move on. Hes doing it for a reason to help us. Though having a busy job in our National health service, the NHS (in psychiatry) his own family of 4 children, he came on visits to Ireland, wrote letters etc ( we had no phone line & mobiles not invented). We dont fit into our regular lives anymore. I have found the experience to be brutal, stripping, sapping, and completely devastating. This week marks five years since my mom passed away. Dont blame yourself please. Trying the best I could to just be. So young, we promised to grow old together 10 shortyears. To say I miss him, cant never give me the We had no idea our child was depressed or suicidal. Now no one mentions my husbandonly me I want to say his name and share our memories.but other peoples lives carry on.and I am left with mine blown apart. Excessively avoiding reminders or good memories . How can we possibly ever recover. So nothing. My dad passed away Mar2016. Absolutely no warning. But the grieving does not last all day but while it going on its intense. I miss her so bad. Wanting to die in order to join the loved one. I am sitting here sobbing ..reading these missives! Its true, I feel relief reading similar experiences. Ill keep tip toeing forward and maybe attempt to wave at someone carrying their boulder on the tight rope next to me. I love you Max forever youll always be in my heart and I see you in our 4 sons and grandchildren..youre missing their weddings and special celebrationsto all of you hear on this page I pray you find hope and courage to keep going . Of a UTI infection. The pain will ease, it never goes but you learn to live a new life and found growth. He and I have no extended family -so it was just us and our girls. That is a revealing statement and I think your church, which is a family, will prove to be a lifesaver. I lost my husband 18 days before our 50th wedding anniversary. I am at the 16 month mark and it seems to be getting harder. I miss him so terribly. Ericka, I relate. I was her care You've opened my eyes to see what it all means. I still think about my husband everyday and I still miss him, but now when I think of him its with a smile. You are being really honest about your loss. Its an ongoing struggle every day. I get angry very easily, I cry at the drop of a hat, I cant sleep and I just miss him so much. But in between waves, there is life. I just come home and enjoy the dogs and just survive the day. Now, the black pebbles outweigh the pearls, but there are shining days and I pray and am sure for you, and for me, the beautiful pearls will return, one by one. My personality has changed, I feel clold hearted alot,when Im warm by nature. How much more do we enjoy the movie or party that we thought was going to be terrible? Ive felt lonely and sometimes I dont know how to cope with the loss and pain. Breast cancer took her from me and my three little babies (now 13 and 9 y/o). I hope you know you've been in our thoughts and heart every day since. He was doing well until a infection set in eventually going to his brain. I lost my father some years ago and that took a while to resolve, so I am praying that the process of grief will become eased soon. The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) told people to give . Week Number Calculator - Find the week number for any date. . Watching all my friends with their husbands makes me so sad. The pain was so great. I cant even remember the first few months. Ignore them but do not hold it in. You can keep and display it, give it to family members or friends, or donate it in memory of your beloved.